First posted at: https://surehopecounseling.com/2021/11/08/healing-from-affairs-porn-addiction-and-or-sex-addiction-in-marital-counseling/
Deciding to start marriage counseling can be a hard decision for some couples. For others, it is something that they run to after realizing a traumatic scene in their marriage. Couples working to recover from affairs, porn addiction and/or sex addiction can fit in both of these categories. For couples walking this journey, it is one they never expected or wanted to walk. It is important to know there is a path through to affair recovery and healing a marriage from porn addiction and/or sex addiction.
Understand the Journey – Each of the Stories/Perspectives
The journey starts by understanding both in the couple’s story and perspective of what has brought them to this traumatic moment in their relationship. Valuing both voices, in marriage counseling, is a very important process in healing from porn/sex addiction and affairs.
Assessing Trauma Levels and Addiction Levels
The journey continues with levels of trauma for the relationship and the individual being assessed. It is important to understand if there is an addiction and the levels of betrayal trauma (the trauma experienced by the spouse who does not have the addition or who had the affairs). Sometimes individual care is needed to help the marriage to progress toward healing.
Working to Get Needs Met/ Resources Received
After these assessments we work to make sure all needed resources are given. After this, we work toward greater communication skills, assertiveness and understanding more about the needs each in the couple truly have.
Listen and Affirm – “I see you and I hear you”
As these needs are being fully communicated it is important for both in the relationship to be/feel seen and heard. This is a very important part in healing and connecting fully in the relationship.
Rebuilding TRUST/Boundaries/Secure Attachment
As one is heard and seen, the part that many couples find to be the hardest is next. Rebuilding trust. For some they want to quickly sprint through the process and for others they could never imagine being able to get through the process. It is important in marriage counseling that the couple work at a good pace, not to get stuck and also not to try to work too fast by ignoring very important and hard topics that have to be work through, for the health of the relationship. Through this process boundaries are identified and rebuilding and creating a secure attachment between the couple is the focus.
Realistic Future (Support and Authenticity)
In the last stage of this journey the couple is prepared for the future. Prepared for possible setbacks, how to recover and how to continue to be strengthened as individuals and as a couple. Couples are often afraid to think about a setback and how they could ever recover. The couples that are open to facing the areas of greatest fear together are the ones that can get to the other side of this fear together.
What’s Next:
A marriage working through affair recovery and/or healing from porn/sex addiction is not an easy task. Entering into marriage counseling and marriage intensives are very helpful in guiding a couple through this complex journey. If you are interested in learning about this journey, click here:
Healing Marriage Intensive Course: Healing from Affairs, Porn Addiction and/or sex Addiction
We can talk through questions you may have so you can have peace with the next steps to take as you heal!
-Kelly Saylor – https://surehopecounseling.com/specializing-in-christian-counseling-christian-marriage-counseling/
